No Ordinary Night Sky

Sunday, ‎July ‎12, ‎2015, ‏‎7:11:41 PM

           I decided to stay on our porch tonight. It has been a while since the last time I stayed here to finish one paper work. I guess that was four months ago. I actually used to stay here to finish school works three years ago, but then, I broke the habit. Maybe it was because I had enough of the passers-by’s attention. I’m not really sure, and I’m still not so sure why I came to stay here tonight.

           It’s quite peaceful here. I got lights behind me and a little background music that my sister is playing in the living room. There are not a lot of passers-by and roaring motorcycles tonight. The sky is really dark, and there aren’t stars that I’d normally see every night three years ago. I can’t even see the moon. There isn’t moonlight but artificial lights. It’s dark yet I’m at an uncertain ease. I do not know the reason why. Thus, I’m guessing it’s because I need a moment with myself. I need space. I need a break.

           Break? Space? From what? These questions directly popped in my head. Maybe it’s of the “cruelty” the world has brought me. I think I’m partly lying and telling the truth.

           You just miss him! My inner self yelled like it caught me doing something I should be guilty of.

           Okay, I won’t lie. Yes, I miss him. I really do. And I think it’s one of the reasons why I’m here on our house’s front porch. You see, he used to pass by our house during those nights I stayed out here in the open to think and study. From a distance, he’d be riding a bike passing by our house slowly as he’d look at me and watch what I’d do. Then, my sister would catch him doing those and she’d report it to me by the time he’s gone. Those times were too flattering that I took those for granted. I didn’t care ask how he was doing back then. I didn’t even care sending him a text message to know if he was okay or not. I assumed he was okay and we were better off without each other. I thought I had moved on, but I haven’t. That is why I still miss him today.

I feel stupid for letting him go. In the very first place, our ruin was my fault. I was too childish that I didn’t realize that he’s the one that I’d love truly. Judging by now, my love for him may be considered undying. I do not know why but it isn’t withering. If the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” is true, then I’d be a witness, for I am living with its proofs. I truly do not understand why, but I have learned a lot from continuously loving him. Our ruin has brought me both good and bad. I had the worst and best experiences out of it.